From Resentment to Resilience: The Power of Self-Knowledge and Positive Choices
These 3 things that I’ve learned can best be summed up into Know thy self and to thy own self be true.
You alone are responsible for your life so make choices you can live with.
You alone are responsible for your life so make choices you can live with. When we enter adulthood, we are solely responsible for our lives. We must live with the consequences of our actions; therefore, we should make choices based on our thoughts and beliefs. What I mean by that is we are raised in an environment where culture and social norms are impressed upon us and we carry that into adulthood. Sometimes those norms and values are alien to who we are at our core and sometimes they are not. Adolescence is the time of development when we are supposed to discover who we are apart from our caretakers. Young adulthood should be where we define our identity. We take what was instilled in us and run it through the lens of our perception of life and then define the values that will form the boundaries of our lives.
In some families, children are reared with such strict limits and boundaries that they aren’t allowed to formulate an identity based on their personal opinions and values. Or they aren’t validated or truly seen as individuals that they do not know recognize their distinct voice. So, they transition into adulthood living a life that was imposed on them instead of their choosing. When we try to live a life that does not ring true for us we end up miserable, filled with resentment and regret. This lack of self-knowledge usually leads to conflict and discord within our self and other significant relationships.
Loving others appropriately starts with self-knowledge and self-love.
Loving others appropriately starts with self-knowledge and self-love. One benefit of self-knowledge and self-love is that you make informed, purposeful selections when choosing to be in a relationship with others. You are comfortable enough sitting with your emotions to listen to the messages they bring about people in your environment and you use that information to assertively communicate your needs and set appropriate boundaries. For us to love someone appropriately we must first love ourselves and have a clear understanding of our inner world (thoughts, feelings and needs).
Without this awareness, we go blindly into relationships led subconsciously by our unmet needs attempting to fill those needs and experience love. Every choice we make is our best attempt at filling a need and taking care of ourselves. However, when those choices are made on a subconscious level, it often leave us vulnerable to emotional pain and painful life lessons.
“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness. “
For me, this quote is the essence of healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem is based on the premise that our worth is inherited and unchangeable. It is being comfortable with the flattering and unflattering aspects of our personality. It is knowing your worth is far greater than the external parts of you such as your financial worth, what you do for a living, your appearance, how you know, what family you came from, etc… If you have healthy self-esteem, you make decisions in your best interest. For example, you strive to live a healthy lifestyle (exercising, eating well, taking care of your mental and emotional health). Taking care of your mental and emotional health means not only giving your body what it needs to function at its best but asking for help, staying connected to nurturing relationships, seeking support when you need it, and setting appropriate boundaries.
Happy Mind, Happy Life
I saw this quote on someone’s Instagram page, Happy Mind, Happy Life. It resonated with me because it’s simple and short yet it has so much depth. It is usually said that if your environment is cluttered so is your mind. Think of your mind as a projector what you feed it through your 5 senses, is reflected in your life. Practicing good time management and utilizing good organizational skills helps reduce stress and anxiety thus allowing you to be at ease and relaxed. Practicing self-care and making choices in your best interest ensures your mind is happy and your life is happy.
